How to Know if Your Relationship will Lead to Marriage

I see people ask questions like, How do I know He will consider me for marriage? How do I know she’s going to stay with me forever? And if you’re asking the same question, I’ll say you need to learn … How to Know if Your Relationship will Lead to Marriage

Hey, you! I know you want to have a successful relationship and would even want a relationship that will go beyond the nuptials. And I am willing to help you – if you’re ready to help yourself.

Let me make you feel high for a moment, okay? Winks.

I know you’ve found your heartthrob. Your lover is someone you can be proud of even in your dreams. Whenever you’re with them, you wish you’re teleported to a new planet with impeccable atmosphere to house the two of you in the hope to bask in an endless joy…. Forever!
Obviously, the aura around your newly found love is beyond the scope of ecstasy. Then you look into the future and there lies the bliss that words can’t help describe.

Oolalacious.

You tell yourself, heaven has smiled on you, favoured you beyond the measure of your expectations. And it’s such an experience you can frolic about all day long.
Your lover on their own wouldn’t do less: each moment with them is a proof that true and undying love exists since your shadows can tell of the magnanimous rhythms surrounding the love affair.
A look into your lover’s eyes is all you need to confirm that the union has been perpetuated in commitment and ceaseless romantic streaks.
As if that’s not enough…
They keep on telling you that you’ve got no rival. You’re the best thing that ever happened to them. In response to the romantic gesture, you watch your heart beats to each syllable that finds its way out of their lips. What more could love give – you wouldn’t stop to wonder!
Isn’t it lovely to be in such a relationship? Isn’t it great to be in love with someone who would make you feel so special until the end of the world?
You know the answer!
Hey, sit up… Leave that moment for once and let’s do reality. Winks.

How to Know if Your Relationship will Lead to Marriage?

First of all, let’s Take about Love and Relationship

Let’s start with these Common Sense Tips for a Successful Relationship

1. Change is the first constant thing in a relationship

It’s good that you find someone whom you love and appears gorgeous to you…. But all you see in them today has limits; don’t be surprised that the reason why you want to die for your lover today might be the reason you don’t want to see him/her tomorrow.

2. No relationship can be run on autopilot

If you want your relationship to continue working, you must not stop working on it. The fact that your Lover has everything that answers to your financial, mental and moral needs is no guarantee that they will do well in a relationship. One thing is for them to have it all, and another thing is for them to want to use it all to the advantage of the relationship.

3. Don’t rely only on feelings

It’s defeating to see that people now enter a relationship on the premise of feelings. They just jump headlong because they think they share a romantic feeling with the opposite sex without knowing that feelings end in relationships!
Do want to read more Common Sense Tips for Successful Relationships? You’ll find a link at the end of this post.
If you agree with those common sense tips… Continue with me… If you don’t agree with them, just close this page and go sleep.

NOW GIVE ME YOUR EARS

Well, in my little years as a relationship counselor, I’ve seen more than my brain can carry as far as a relationship is concerned. To be factual, I am beginning to see the youths of these 21st century wallowing in unimaginable defeat in the bid to find love and sustain it.
People start relationships with feelings but end it with reasons.
You hear folks who say *Ehm… I had great feelings for him when we started* and another one would say *See… She was so loving, humble and respectful when we met*…
Few months down the line, their once upon a time romance turned sour, the feelings they once had nosedived and they discovered right there that they are heading nowhere again!
Now you begin to hear, “He’s not caring… She nags too much… He’s too proud…. He cheats on me… She takes me for granted…” Surprisingly, most of those reasons were not there when they started. They blindly followed a path that led nowhere!
It’s one of those bizarre experiences for those who have once been caught up in the scenario. Thinking about this menace, I wouldn’t help but sigh!

Let me ask you a question:

Do you think there’s really no more love in a relationship when people get tired of it?
If you say yes, you might be wrong!
For you to know, most people get to the point where it’ll appear that nothing new will ever come out of their relationship anymore. And it’s not just that these people don’t have a residual affection for their partners again…
They are just the victims of what I call…. The Mirage Tales in Romantic Relationships.
So, how do you know that your relationship is bound to last? How do you make your relationship lead to Marriage?
The answer is readily available if you’ll read on.

Let’s Consider this Quote:
A vision without a task is but a dream,
A task without a vision is drudgery,
A vision and a task is the hope of the world.
Dinah Craik.

Did that quote up there say something to you?

Wait! Go back to the quote and read it again, slowly. Read it twice or three times to let it sink, and we will continue.
My friend, have you once had one of those lovely dreams in which you wake up defeated and would almost fight the one that woke you up?
But no matter how the merriment feelings last in the dreamland, you just have to wake up and be back to your status quo the moment reality dawns on you. True or True?

Today, many relationships are perpetually in the dreamland. And some are not ready to wake up from their little slumbers.

See this: You just heard that a new phone came out last weekend and you went straight to a dealer to buy one for yourself. When you got home everyone was intrigued about the functions and even the look of your phone, so the atmosphere left you in an indescribable awe.
The truth is, the phone will undoubtedly be sold at a lower price than the purchase price, even if you’ve not used it at all.
That’s life for you, and that’s how many relationships are – they begin to lose value the moment they are started!
Now let’s go back to the quote.

A vision without a task is but a dream,
A task without a vision is drudgery,
A vision and a task is the hope of the world.
Dinah Craik.

1st phrase: A vision without a task is but a dream.

All that you discuss about the future is a vision that needs tasks to materialize. And without a mission, there’s no task to help the mission.
Let me simplify that:

Do You Plan the Future Together, Reasonably?

When you start a relationship, you often promise each other heaven and earth –  that’s Vision.
But do you know nothing will happen until you begin to do something about the spoken words?
Doing something about it is the mission, and what you are doing per time is a task.
If I say I promise to build a mansion for you in three years and I’m not doing any reasonable thing on a timely basis, the mansion won’t be built forever.

2nd Phrase: a task without a vision is drudgery.

It’s stupid to be doing stuff in your relationship and seeing that it’s leading nowhere close to Marriage. Whatever you do together in a relationship (that’s a task), without thinking about the future (vision) will lead you nowhere.

3rd Phrase: a vision and a task is the hope of the world

The hope that you and your partner will last is hidden in what you do together.
So, if you see that you and your partner are doing some reasonable things together towards being together in the future… There’s a chance they don’t want to lose you.
Do you understand now?
Well, that’s the end of part one.

NOW, PART TWO

Are You Proud of Your Role in the Relationship?
Can you remember the story of the blind man in the post about the factors to consider before starting a relationship?

We will go back to it…

You’re going on a journey with someone who you think knows the way but unfortunately doesn’t know much. And instead of solely relying on their knowledge, you go ahead to get some GPS navigation system to help.
Then each time the driver wants to go in the wrong direction, you make them know and they get on the right path. How do you think the driver will see you, compared to someone who wouldn’t mind to help?
They will surely love you and will regard you with feelings of respect and reverence.
So… If you’re in a Relationship and won’t do anything to help the relationship better, you’re an old chump! If your partner can’t look at you someday and be glad they met you as they state what they’ve gained since they met you, you’re beautifully stupid! Wait… I am not sorry for those words!

Have you once asked yourself why do you think someone will leave you for another person?

It’s simply because they found someone better! And if you can’t make yourself equal to the task, why shouldn’t they think of getting a substitute?
See, knowledge they say is power! The more you know the more you are respected and loved. You can’t just be in a relationship and all you do is to ask for stuff without giving something back to help your partner.
You wouldn’t read books that will help you grow mentally, morally, financially and spiritually; you won’t invest a dime to make yourself better and then you want a partner who would stay forever?
You have no covetable character and habit and you are as crude as you were when you started the relationship. You are so timid that the air can intimidate you.

You’re to be slapped!

To say it as it is, your relationship is going nowhere if you are not driving it where you want it to be in the nearest future.
Enough of trial and error relationships. Enough of decadent characters, defeating attitudes and demeaning habits – enough of shenanigans!

Ask Yourself This Question

If your partner comes now and says they want to call it quit, who would feel heartbroken the more?
If you feel you’ll be on the loser’s end, then it’s time to work. It’s time to start investing in yourself.
And if you are sure of yourself, your partner will think twice before they just come to tell you they are calling it quit!

Do People Love Your Person?

If people around you can’t testify that you’re lovely, caring, respectful, wonderful, adorable, then you can’t have a relationship that is going to lead to a Marriage. That’s simple because people’s say about you is enough to tell your future.

The Unexplainable Reasons

I believe you know by now that some things are beyond reasonable. You undoubtedly know that some relationships end up for reasons not known and you can beat your chest that you’ve done your best!
I understand that and that shouldn’t stop you from getting a better relationship.

In summary:

1. If your relationship will lead to Marriage, you will be the one to drive it along the desired path.

2. If you desire a blossoming relationship, you will work it out.

3. Feelings alone don’t keep a relationship; there should be set goals you need to achieve together.

4. If you and your partner are not planning towards the future in what you call a relationship, then don’t expect a thing called marriage to come out of it.

That’s all for today on…

How to Know if Your Relationshop will Lead to Marriage

16 Reasons Men Freak Out About Dating

"Sorry I'm late. I spent an hour trying to figure out if tucking my shirt in made me look nerdy, or mature and dependable."

1. Statistically, what's the best way to avoid crushing loneliness? Nothing gives you more anxiety than seeing data about how you're going to spend the rest of your life alone. Should you meet someone at a bar? What is the probability of finding the love of your life online? What if the love of your life lives in Japan? What if there's a language barrier between you and your soul mate, and you'll never be happy because you'll never find The One? These are all relevant, rational questions everyone thinks about.

2. How do I ask someone out without coming off like a creepy stalker or like I don't care at all? How do we even toe that line?Even after we find someone we're into, asking her out is a whole other question. Do we try to play it smooth and bold, and potentially scare her off too soon? Do we avoid saying anything for three years? Do we get her number and text her a bunch until she finally asks to hang out? The options are numerous and stress-inducing.

3. Does this look like I dressed up or like my mom dressed me up? "What does this shirt say about me as a person?" we ask ourselves longingly as we stare into the mirror. We have to have a rugged but boyish charm. We need to look good without looking like we tried to look good. Ultimately, we need to wear a dress shirt and jeans.

4. Is a condom in the wallet a good idea? We don't want to look cocky or presumptuous if she happens to see a condom sticking out of our wallet, but we also don't want to be without one, just in case.

5. How drunk is just drunk enough? Should we order a few beers? Can we get so drunk that this date is no longer awkward? Will she judge us if we pass out in the bathroom for half an hour?

6. Will we be able to talk about anything beyond our favorite colors and our jobs? It's not like we need to have a passionate and undying love for the same hockey team, but if we can't both sit at our table and make fun of what the other patrons are wearing, we're going to run out of "what do you do for a living" small talk rather quickly.

7. What if the restaurant is too expensive, like five-dollar-signs-on-Yelp expensive? Yeah, we made the recommendation and intend to pick up the check, but what if the restaurant is even more than we thought? What if she picks the most expensive thing on the menu? What if our card gets declined? If we sprint out of the restaurant, will she follow? If we can psychically orchestrate a dine-and-dash on the first date, we're probably soul mates.

8. How do I establish that I'm a badass with a heart of gold? In a perfect date situation, we get the opportunity to pull off some awesome date move that makes her fall in love instantly. Maybe we'll have the opportunity to clothesline a purse-snatcher as they run by or reenact that whole "Twist and Shout" scene fromFerris Bueller's Day Off.

9. What if you talk about your ex? What if I talk about my ex? What if an ex shows up to the date? The only thing worse than having nothing to talk about is hearing about an ex she's clearly not over, or we go on and on about our exes. What was supposed to be a date turns into a therapy session.

10. What if I spend the night alone at the restaurant petrified of making eye contact with anyone else because I get stood up? "Oh, me? No, I'm not waiting for anyone! I just got all dressed up and came to this place to play Flappy Bird on my phone while I sit at a table by myself."

11. Is there such a thing as too many bathroom breaks? What if we have to pee in the middle of dinner and leave you alone? What if we have to do that more than once? What's worse: leaving the table multiple times or peeing our pants?

12. What if my favorite joke doesn't get any laughs? There are few things as quiet as the silence that falls over two people after one of them tells a joke the other person doesn't find funny. It's the sound of a kitten gently walking on freshly fallen snow, crying silent tears.

13. Is she different than my first impression? What if that great first impression was a complete fluke? Maybe we were both really drunk, and bonding over the game of Survivor Flip Cup we won together isn't a solid foundation for a relationship.

14. What if she's not impressed with us? What have I even accomplished? Should I bring my old soccer trophies to show off casually? We don't want to disappoint. What is it you even like about us, and how do we play that up as much as possible and downplay literally everything else?

15. What if I completely forget how to kiss? I'm pretty sure most people just black out when going in for a kiss and go straight from leaning in to kissing because the whole idea of a first kiss is so awkward your brain shuts down as a defense mechanism.

16. What if there's a second date? There's a sense of relief when we have that moment where we get to leave an awkward date and walk out into the night. We know we'll never see each other again, and it feels kind of like getting off a roller coaster: It might have been touch and go there for a while, but we survived. Way scarier is the prospect that the date went well, which means a second date, which means we have to start this process all over again…

10 Things You Should Know Before Dating Someone in an Open Relationship

You better be comfortable following the rules if you want to play.

1. She's not going to jump into bed with you. I mean, she might, but it's not a given. Open is the status of her relationship, not her legs.

2. She's going to jump into bed with you. I know what I just wrote. But you should prepare your heart/vagina/penis/other body parts for the fact that she may be interested in a hookup — and only a hookup.

3. You have to follow her rules if you want to play. You have the option not to date her, but if you decide to go for it, be aware that there may be certain agreements she's made with her primary partner, i.e. how often she can see you, or how intense things can be sexually. It's pretty unlikely those will be adjustable. People in open relationships usually apply a lot of forethought to the architecture of those things.

4. She's not a "cheater." She didn't decide to enter an open relationship because she is fundamentally immoral, a moustache-twirling cartoon villain, or anyone else who is generally careless with the feelings of others. There are reasons monogamy doesn't work for her. Respect that.

5. If you have any questions about how this is going to work, just ask her. She's very, um, open. She knows exactly what she needs and she'll be more than happy to let you know.

6. She's opinionated, and don't mistake her for confused. She's not in an open relationship because she can't decide on one. She's in an open relationship because she's self-assured in her wants and needs, and knows how to execute them.

7. She likes sex. It might not be the sole reason she is conducting additional relationships outside of her primary one — but, yeah, she enjoys it. She enjoys it a lot.

8. You're going to have to work well with others. Depending on the degree to which things heat up, you may have to make decisions about your relationship with her that factor in other people — namely her partner, or others you're dating. If you're the kind of person who would rather write an essay than do the group project, this might not be for you.

9. She's emotionally mature. Don't play games. She's had to assess her perspective, wants, needs, and values, and negotiate those with the perspective, needs, wants, and values of at least one other person and likely even more. She's not going to sweat the small stuff — unless it's your brain.

10. You will never, ever be bored with her. Whether it's for a few minutes, a few hours or a few decades, this will be an experience you won't forget. So let go of your preconceptions and hold onto your hat, your heart, and the headboard.

15 Sneaky Signs a Marriage May End in Divorce

At least according to these (somewhat strange) statistics.

1. The bride had pre-wedding jitters. If the future Mrs. has cold feet, the couple's risk of divorce more than doubles, according to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology. The good news? A groom with "I do" doubts has almost no impact on the future of the marriage. 

2. The couple got married young — or after age 32. Sure, conventional wisdom holds that getting married too early isn't the best bet for a lasting union. "I often see couples in their 40s in counseling who got married too young and didn't have experience with other partners or want different things now," says Rachel Sussman, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert. "Because there's a very good chance that in 10 or 15 years, you're going to be a very different person — and you should be." 

But a new study says that after age 32, a couple's risk of divorce increases by 5% each year they wait to wed. Sussman attributes this to entrenched independence and a need for space. 

3. A family has two daughters. Sadly, it ups your chances to 43%. And even just having one daughter makes you 5% more likely to split, according to Columbia University economist Kristin Mammen. Parents with two sons, in contrast, face a nearly 37% risk.  "We think it happens because fathers get more invested in family life when they have boys," Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage, a History and director of research for the Council on Contemporary Families, told The Daily Beast.

4. Divorce runs in the family, so to speak. If your parents divorced, you're at least 40% more likely to do the same. But if they got remarried, you have a staggering 91% likelihood of getting divorced. 

5. A challenging child challenges a marriage. Parents who deal with a child's ADHD diagnosis are nearly 23% more likely to divorce before the child turns 8. 

6. Debt. Money woes are an obvious marital stressor. Not only do many divorce risk factors correlate to poverty, but marital happiness dramatically decreases as couples don't pay off their debts or take on new ones. And when one person is the big spender, according to one study, divorce can be 45% more likely. (Only extramarital affairs and substance abuse were stronger predictors!) 

"There can be a problem when one partner works or just has a significantly bigger salary, and the other spends an exorbitant amount of money. Fighting over the Amex bill every month is just a dumb fight to have. They've got to be on the same page, and I think setting a budget is key," explains Sussman.

7.  The groom frowned in his childhood snapshots. In two separate studies, psychologists evaluated peoples' childhood and yearbook photos and then evaluated their current marital health. Their findings? People who frown in photos are five times more likely to divorce than people who smile. (Yes, this one's especially, well, far-fetched.)

8. One partner smokes — but the other doesn't. When only one person in a relationship smokes, they're 75% to 91% more likely to split than smokers who are married to another smoker. Why? "Different values and lifestyles can be problematic," says Sussman.

9. The family's first child was born less than 8 months after the wedding. So, a shotgun ceremony is intuitively not the best way to start your union. But did you know it makes you 24% more likely to call it quits? 

10. The couple shacked up before marriage. Sure, cohabitation has been credited for decreasing the number of divorces overall. (One theory is that because couples who might otherwise divorce test the waters and fizzle beforehand, the couples who do marry are more committed.). But it's still not necessarily helpful once you do wed: Multiple studies say living together pre-nuptials gives couples about a 12% higher probability that their marriage will fail. 

11. One partner is a nurse. Yes, certain occupations have higher divorce rates — and not just police and military personnel. Dancers and choreographers have a 43% divorce rate, according to a 2009 study in the Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology. Bartenders split from a spouse 38% of the time, while nursing, psychiatric, and home health aides face an almost 29% divorce rate.

12. You live in Nevada. Or Maine. While much has been made of "red states" vs. "blue states" and marital trends, it's not so simple. Some states have younger ages of marriage, lower incomes, and other demographic factors that contribute to divorce risk. But Nevada residents can probably just thank Las Vegas for their 14.6% rate of divorced people. Maine is second with 14.2%; Oklahoma trails at 13.5%. New York, in contrast, may only have 8.8% divorced residents, but it also has one of the lowest number of married residents. To explain, some researchers say that you're more likely to get divorced in most "red states" — but only because you're also more likely to get married there.

13. The wife makes more money than the husband. Marriages where spouses earn roughly the same amount are more at prone to divorce than those where the wife earns less, according to a Swiss study of U.S. couples. And if the wife makes 60% or more of the family income, the risk of divorce is double that of couples where she doesn't work at all. 

14. Or she's older than him. Unfortunately, women who are one to three years older than their husbands are 53% more likely to end their marriage. According to the Australian paper, age disparities either way are associated with higher risk, especially if the man is younger. The study suggests it may be "due to differences in values
associated with birth control, or marital strain caused by power imbalances within the union."

15. Someone thinks they're always right. Think you're smarter than your spouse? By far, the biggest predictors of divorce are found in couples' attitudes to each other. Famed researcher John Gottman claims to be able to predict a couple's chances with 93% accuracy, based on four key traits which include being defensive and constant criticism. But he says the "kiss of death," is contempt and seeing your partner as beneath you. 

"It's constant anger and disgust, passive-aggressive digs, eye-rolling, and yelling at your partner," says Sussman. "When couples do that in a session, I say the research shows that if you keep doing that, there's a really good chance you're going to get divorced."

13 Sex Things Only Married Women Understand

He knows not to push your head down because he doesn't want to die.

1. You know that sometimes you have unexciting sex and that's OK because you have approximately 5 million more times to get it right. You know that sometimes sex isn't always a magical roller coaster ride of puppy dogs riding on unicorns and that's cool. You don't obsess over it because you know it's no biggie. Besides, you guys will just crush it next time because you're amazing like that. 

2. He knows not to push your head down because he does not want to die. That's just Married Science. He doesn't want his story to end up on an episode ofLaw & Order, so he knows not to be a pushy weirdo.

3. He actually wants you to come first. This should be nos. 1–50, for real. Its importance cannot be overstated. 

4. He'll never make you feel weird about not being ready to try anal. Which in turn makes you feel a lot more chill about trying anal with him. The world works in mysterious ways. 

5. He treats your smaller boob with respect. Just because she's tiny doesn't mean she is without needs! He knows you have nerve endings in both your breasts and uses his mouth accordingly.

6. You've come to mutual agreements about which positions are just too hard. I'm looking at you, 69. Now that you're married, you can drop the facade that it's super fun and sexy to twist yourself into an actual pretzel just to put a dick in your mouth. 

7. You know that married people have more sex than most people think. Because you're living proof that your vagina doesn't cover itself in cobwebs the second you say "I do." 

8. Your sex life is a varied and splendid thing. Sometimes you're too tired for sex, but also sometimes you have sex THREE TIMES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON. In your face, comedians who built their entire tired stand-up sets based on the fallacy that married women hate doing it!

9. He's super chill about period sex. Because he's an adult human being who understands that you're an adult human being with bodily functions. 

10. You know you don't have to swing from a trapeze to get him off. And he doesn't have to spell out the Hungarian alphabet on your clitoris to drive you crazy. Yeah, the tricks are great sometimes, but often just having sex with someone you love is the very best.

11. You know how to deal with his balls. You've mastered the art of handling his nuts. You know each one is like a little baby miracle that responds to stimulation in its own way. You are the Master of the Balls. (Well, at least you are the master of his balls. If you get divorced and have to start over, lord help you.)

12. It's not a total nonstop sexual smorgasbord.  Just because you live with someone and sleep in the same bed every night doesn't mean you're both always in the mood to get busy. Just like in most relationships (unless you're the two horniest people alive and then: Mazel!), sex isn't always on the table. (Sometimes it's on the floor! Bada bing! Don't forget to tip your waitress!)

13. You try stuff that's out of your comfort range but usually come back to the old standards. You're adventurous because it's fun (and also you kinda have to be so you don't die) but usually end up doing the ol' one-two (you know, whatever that means for you guys) because you both love it and that's what sex is about, right? 

11 Things Every Woman Thinks on Tinder Dates

If this sucks, I'm leaving in an hour.

1. If this sucks, I'm leaving in an hour. Maybe I should set an alarm and label it, "Are you having fun, Lane? Really? Be honest."

2. Even if this is horrible, at least I can tell all my friends while they give me pitying looks. And then they'll say things like, "Ugh, I do not miss being single," and I'll be like, "I know!" and then we'll all get drunk. Not bad. 

3. What if this is seriously The One and then one day, we're like "And we met on Tinder. I know, lame, right?" But then what we really do is look at each other adoringly because awwww, modern love.

4. He looks exactly like/nothing like his photos. This is such a relief/gigantic disappointment for which I wish I could sue him.

5. Is he a murderer or am I just finally meeting a good one? He's wearing a dope suit with a cool tie, is actually employed by a place that doesn't sound made up, and he's reasonably funny. He's either killed people or he's my soul mate. No other options exist.

6. Yep, that explains why this guy is on Tinder. Vaguely sexist views on women and the belief that all his exes are "crazy"? Should've swiped left, dickmunch. 

7. If we hadn't met on Tinder, I wonder if we would've ever met any other way. Like maybe at the supermarket if I literally ever stopped staring at cookies and imagining how great it would be to eat them.

8. I'm so glad I messaged him even though he was making pseudo-duckface in one of his photos. I might actually want to, dare I say it, see him again. Holy shit, it's happening. The Tinder second date. Alert the media, as I thought this was a myth.

9. If we went back to my place, I wonder how soon I could get him to go down on me. I don't know, sometimes you just have a craving for it like pizza or reruns of Family Matters.

10. How do I communicate to him that I just want his penis inside me for tonight and to never see him again ever? Or the other side of that coin...

11. How do I tell him that I'm not hoping we bang in the alley behind this bar and then never speak again? Because um, yeah. Not my #goals.

Lane Moore has gone on so many Tinder dates like this that she started a live comedy show called Tinder LIVE!

How Can You Tell if a Guy Is Ready to Settle Down?

Here's how you know if a dude is ready for a real-deal relationship or still playing the field.

When is a man ready to settle down? The answer is not always as obvious as we might like. In a culture as visual as ours, we demand the most conspicuous of tells. If a guy is covered in maritime tats and wears Warby Parker specs, he's probably open-minded and down with composting.

If you spot truck nuts dangling from his jacked-up Ford F-350 Super Duty, he may feel that "the old ways are the best ways." Sadly, unless a dude picks you up in a minivan that's not his mom's, the clues about his readiness for long-term commitment won't be as blaring as his Coexist bumper sticker.

As a married guy, I can tell you that I felt ready at the exact moment my now-wife told me that she wouldn't be dating me for a fifth year. #Romantic! What can I say? I'm a recovered louse who wised up to a good thing. But I often hear about my sister's — and my wife's girlfriends' — dating debacles. And based on these tales, I understand that the struggle to find a quality guy who wants something serious is real — scary real.

There is a popular theme that seems to run through many of their stories. The dudes they link up with are either "not looking for a relationship right now" or "trying to get my life together" or "just not in that place right now where blah bity blah, blah…" Or whatever handy victim-of-circumstance lines men use to avoid emotional intimacy.

Perhaps you've dated these kinds of guys. From what I've observed (and overheard from people on dates at restaurants), any baggage you might hold from wasting time on "commitment cowards" surfaces in those tense moments when two newly dating people gauge their respective levels of emotional availability. When a lady drops those very honest "Are we on the same page?" questions on a dude — "Do you want kids?" "Why didn't your last relationship work out?" — it's clear she doesn't want to waste a minute more on a guy who can't lock it down. I've noticed these questions tend to put guys on the defensive. But why? I mean, beyond the obvious answer: Men are emotional larvae.

Women are, of course, entitled to honest answers to these queries, but because many men boast sensitivity levels that would make a toddler take pause, may I suggest asking a different set of questions entirely. For instance, instead of asking if he wants to get married, ask if he has been going to a lot of weddings lately. A guy whose friends are settling down around him will have lots of wedding invites. Which ones won't? The dudes whose friends are all single and think happiness is being facedown in a cabana at a Vegas pool party. Or try this alternate line of questioning: Are people in his family hitched and happy? It's possible your guy could be an outlier, but if his relationship role models are parents whose marriage ended badly, it stands to reason that he may be unsure about taking the leap himself.

But from observing the relationship patterns of my guy friends and coworkers, I've developed a wholly unscientific theory that I think blows all other theories out of the water: If you really want to know if a man is ready for a committed relationship, ask him how his career is going. Sounds weird, I know. But as far as I can tell, there seems to be a strong correlation between a man's readiness to settle down and where he is on Career-Goal Mountain. Traditionally, society has expected men to be providers. And until we are able to reasonably provide for more than just ourselves, many men feel inadequate. And it's this feeling of inadequacy that informs a lot of guys' dating behavior. For instance, I know plenty of young, ambitious guys: writers, entertainers, bankers, developers, doctors. Once they enjoy a little career success — a promotion, some actual stability, or a big break — their world is bright and they become open to all kinds of possibilities, including settling down. That's when they get engaged to the girl they're dating. The rest, who haven't caught the brass ring or aren't excited about where their careers are going, often forestall marriage endlessly in interminable relationships, Tinder hookups, or porn searches. In short, if he's not feeling satisfied with his level of success or his place in the world, he's not going to be ready to settle down with you … or with anyone for that matter.

There are caveats of course. If a dude just isn't ready for commitment, there's a chance that once he gets a whiff of success, he'll redeem all his miles for a one-way ticket to Doucheville. Likewise, I've seen situations where a guy is in a comfortable relationship for years, and once he experiences a career surge, he up and decides he wants a fresh start with someone new — through no fault of his girlfriend. But unscientific as it is (I'm not an expert, but I was on MTV's Guy Code!), I'm confident that most men have a relationship sweet spot, and it has a lot to do with meeting the internal goals they've set for their career and finances. If you meet a guy during that time in his life and you want long-term love, the odds are in your favor. And if your man isn't ready to commit, please don't think that you're at fault. He may love you, but if you're not someone he sees as a part of his future, you need to make him a part of your past.

GUYS ON COMMITMENT

"I want to have a dependable full-time income and most likely own a home somewhere. For me, that comes before marriage."—Barry*, therapist, 28

"What did my parents' relationship teach me about marriage? Don't do it. Or at least make sure your relationship is really strong before locking it down. Because unwinding it is ugly."—Josh, sound engineer, 35

"A lot of people my age are starting to get engaged and married. It's not something I'd want to rush into. Personally, I'm not emotionally mature enough right now. Even if I were dating someone who I thought was the one, I'd wait until I was a little older."

The 14 Best Moments in Every Relationship

Yeah, there are probably more than 14...

1. The first time you hang out one-on-one (and yes, Netflix counts). Nothing is more exciting than letting out all your pent-up crush energy on a first date. It's almost as big a deal as your potential wedding day in terms of stories you'll have to tell over and over. PRO TIP: Don't bring up potential weddings on the first date.

2. That first awkward, nervous pause right before your first kiss. Your first kiss says, "I like hanging out with you, but I also want to make out with you all the time. Let's take this to the next level."

3. The first time you bone. Well, hopefully your first time was a great moment. And if not, you're a very selfless person for sticking with them. 

4. The first time you stay the night instead of abruptly peacing-out like Cinderella the second it hits 2 a.m. Especially if you usually run off into the night immediately after coitus. Well, maybe hobble into the night while trying to put on your pants is a more apt description. My point is, your first sleepover is a big deal.

5. When you did nothing in bed together and it was amazing. The first time you do this, it's cute and romantic. The 90th time you do this, you're codependent agoraphobics. But when you can literally spend all day sharing a tiny square together and doing nothing else, you've got something good going.

6. The moment you realize their family could also be your family (and you're OK with that). Some people have stupid families. So it's a relief when you meet your partner's and you actually feel at home. Getting along with their family instead of feeling awkward and intimidated is great.

7. When picking your partner up at the airport felt like the best moment in the world. Spending time apart (however long) is rough, but getting to see each other again makes it all worth it. All right, maybe it would've been better to not be apart in the first place. 

8. Buying a second toothbrush to keep at their house. You're basically saying, "I'm coming over whenever I want so you can never cheat on me." But also, you know, that you love spending time together.

9. When you had an insane fight, but you knew you never wanted to break up. At first glance, this might not seem like this should be labeled a "best moment." But it's fights like these that make you realize you really want to try to make this relationship work. Also, yo, makeup sex.

10. When you accidentally blurted out "I love you" and waited to hear them say it back. In the history of mankind, no two people have ever said "I love you" and then not fumbled through a conversation afterward. Your first declaration of love is always followed by an "I mean..." while you stare at your partner and hope they say it back before you punch out the nearest window and cut your jugular with a shard of glass.

11. When you went on a couples vacation that still feels like one of the high points of your relationship. Even if it's just an overnight trip, it beats the family trip you took to the Grand Canyon with your parents a few years ago.

12. Getting a dog and realizing you are successfully raising a living thing together. Week 1: It's not dead yet! Week 2: Still living! Week 3: We're a family now: me, you, and Muffins. Just us for the next decade or so. 

13. When you powered through the hard times together, and they seemed a little less hard with your partner by your side. Maybe you lost your job or a family member, or had to get a pretty serious surgery. It might not have been so great, but you were there for each other.

14. Any time you really, truly, just have a day to yourselves. These don't come often enough, and when they do, it feels like the best day ever.

The 14 Best Things About Having a Boyfriend

No more Tinder dates to run screaming from? Hello, Best Life Ever.

1. No more fumbley, weird "I don't even know what you like" first-time sex. That's not to say that boyfriend sex is fool-proof but your odds of having someone accidentally pull your hair because their stupid elbow was on it go down by a lot. 

2. He can not reply to your text and you won't go into a panic attack shame spiral wondering if he's ghosting. You can say "he's probably just busy" and know for a fact that yes, that is why. It's like having an oxygen tank at all times. 

3. You always have someone to zip up the back of your dress so you don't have to do that weird acrobatic arm thing. Even if it is probably good for your deltoids or something. It still blows.

4. You always have someone to split food with for those days when you feel like ordering like a monster but then remember you have a normal human stomach. And then on days when you somehow have a superhuman stomach…

5. You have twice the food always. Oh what's that? You're not hungry? Guess who is? It's me!

6. No more Tinder dates to run screaming from while wearing shoes that are really hard to run in. Plus, no after-work drink dates means you can actually get through the work week without a hangover from hell. Hello, productivity and a general lack of nausea. 

7. You can do any embarrassing thing on the planet and he will still think sun shines out of your butt. Which it honestly could. You don't know. You can't see down there.

8. You finally at long last have someone to suffer through family dinners with. There is no better feeling than kicking your boyfriend under the table when your grandad straight up starts eating that huge bowl of gravy with his own spoon.

9. You get to double date with your friends aka you get to spy on you friends' boyfriends to make sure they're good enough. And run over the data you have learned with your boyfriend to make sure you didn't miss any #facts.

10. There will always be someone to like your selfies. You can now post freely without fear of Zero Likes.

11. You automatically have approximately 40 percent more space in your brain because it's not begrudgingly focused on meeting The One. Obviously this much of your brain isn't focused on that but jesus christ, sometimes it feels like it's supposed to be and it's exhausting.

12. Valentine's Day is no longer a day of chalky candy-filled dread. It might be a day of excited joy or a day when you both do the same things you always do, but it holds no power over you any more, so suck it, VDay. 

13. All the time you used to spend online dating can now be spent on doing things that make your soul happy. Instead of killing it with a machete because jesus christ, one of these has to be good, right? (Not really). 

14. Couples costumes! I'd be lying to you if I didn't say I've had a lot of ~*iDeAs*~ about this lately, so FYI, next person I date: I have a whole list of potential couples costumes. We're set for three years, minimum. 

I Was Emotionally Unfaithful and It Poisoned My Relationship

I never physically cheated, but simply seeking comfort in other men was enough to ruin everything.

My boyfriend and I moved to New York with only each other. We were 3,000 miles from home and knew no one else in this big city. I don't think either of us anticipated just how homesick we'd be, but at 19 years old, we were sure that all we needed was each other to take on this brand new world, so starkly different from our Southern California roots. Our naiveté didn't last long.

I hardly remember that fall, our first couple months learning and forgetting subway routes, me dutifully buried in schoolwork and him working 50+ hours a week just for an excuse to leave the house. But before I knew it, winter was upon us and we trudged through slush and snow, feeling perpetually frozen in a way that even my time in Colorado and London couldn't have prepared me for. Poor California boy, he'd never experienced anything like it.

By January, less than six months into our New York new life, hairline fractures of fear and homesickness had evolved into cracks of exhaustion, depression, and irreparable loneliness. Relying solely on one another for comfort, friendship, love, and support had made him needy and me resentful.

Frustrated by the imposed restrictedness on any social life and simultaneous monotony of our relationship, I sought out the attentions and affections of other men, former flings, and subway strangers, craving some kind of social interaction other than the repetitive banter and routine we had established at home. But my attempts to divert my domestic displeasures only made them that much more pronounced — we spent our evenings sitting opposite one other, Netflix on the TV but our fingers and eyes glued to our phones in a silent, self-induced boozy haze.

It was unfair of me to assume that he wasn't perceptive enough to notice. I kept my phone close at hand at all times, especially after his semi-successful attempts to learn my passcode and read my texts. We both felt the gap between us — mentally, emotionally, physically — widening, but were too scared of the potential loneliness to bring it up.

Our relationship ebbed further into distrust and resentment. Sensing something was going on, he would try going into my texts, Facebook messages, and email looking for something concrete to confirm his suspicions, and I would respond by strengthening my passwords and carrying my laptop with me when I left the house. But there weren't any sexts or dirty photos or evidence of infidelity that he was searching for in any of the messages with these other men. It wasn't the physical temptations leading me astray, but the search for emotional understanding from anyone to feel less alone.

One guy in particular, Sam, an old high school fling who was back in California, escalated our increasing trust issues to an unsalvageable level. Already (and quite reasonably) threatened by our history, my boyfriend was far from OK with my ongoing communication with Sam, especially as I became more secretive with my phone. So I would make excuses to leave the house while I called Sam for reassurance and comfort. I complained about my boyfriend and he responded with sympathetic encouragement for me to end things, that things could be so much better without him, that Sam and I had a "real" future together, until I was so worked up that I stormed home, icing out my boyfriend for no particular reason.

After eight months in New York, our relationship was only a hollow façade clinging onto some infinitesimal semblance of what we'd once been. Our daily communication had been boiled down to a scripted dialogue of "how was work/school" and a few select, abbreviated responses. We hadn't had sex in over three months; my failing to reciprocate his advances led him to finally give up any attempts. And the two of us, both singularly and as a couple, were utterly miserable. Rather than a reprieve from work and city life, home was tense and uninviting, and I spent many nights taking too-long walks.

That summer, we both went back to California, attempting to defrost our bones from the New York winter that seemed to last those entire eight months. It was there that I ended things. I was petrified of coming back to New York, this time truly on my own, but I was even more scared of having another year like that one. Loneliness is inevitable in a city as populated as New York, but there's nothing quite as isolating as being lonely with someone.

I am guilty, both of failing to communicate how I was feeling to my boyfriend and of using those other men as an emotional distraction. And it all led me right back to where I had spent all that effort avoiding — alone in New York, 3,000 miles from home.