7 ways to give your partner a birthday they'll never forget

Celebrating your partner’s birthday in a manner that will make them not forget quickly should always be a concern of yours.

After a while, you might get stuck on the matter of what to do to mark the occasion. That is, you’ll want to do something you have never done before.

  As surprise party works, sometimes (Framepool)

If you are at that stage, here are few things that should inspire you or give you some fresh ideas

Surprise birthday party

If you have never done this, maybe now is the time to. You do not need the whole estate dear.

To cut costs, invite maybe just two of his/her friends and two of yours. Should be fun.

Decorate their room or office

With the assistance of his/her colleague or someone at their work place, you could decorate their office with balloons and other beautiful things.

  Maybe you could decorate their office, too (RGBStock)

An alternative is to get the assistance of a family member, and decorate their room.

Cook their favorite foods

For women [and men, too], if you are the type that enjoys cooking, then, by all means, you could spoil him silly with two or three of his favorite meals.

It might be serious hard work, but if you are down for it, then you should do it.

Get few candles and light the room. Put on something really nice and make the effort to complement the food with some good looks. Apply little makeup, and get that party started.

He won’t forget easily.

  You could also choose to prepare some of his favourite meals (Mademenoire)

Little surprises

I once attempted to send someone 24 text messages on her birthday; that’s one for the whole 24 hours of the day.

Sadly, I ended up sending just seven or eight, but of course she appreciated it a lot because, frankly, receiving 8 beautifully-written mini poems is quite heartwarming.

Now you might not necessarily do this, but think of some little things you could do.

The cumulative result should sweep them off their feet.

  Get away to an hotel room and be alone (AsianAdventure)

Book a hotel room

For married couples and those who are already intimate to that level, you could book into a nice hotel room for your partner’s birthday.

I’ll let you decide what you do when you get into the room [of course!]

A trip down memory lane

American rapper, Kanye West, recently did something like this for his wife, Kim Kardashian.

He did a compilation of videos from when she was a little girl till when she was about 18 or thereabouts.

Though there might be no video records of your partner to work with, but with some determination, you can pull this off, too.

Get a compilation of pictures from your partner’s mother, and create a slide with their favorite music playing in the background.

  You could create some magic with romantic session of birthday sex (123rf)

And at the end of the video, you could add a clip of yourself wishing them a happy birthday and telling him/her that you have one more surprise for them when you both see later in the day.

And that surprise will be…

Birthday sex

Even if you both have been married for a while and have done this a number of times, you should still make it a bit more special than previous times.

Get candles, get some roses on the bed [or some other preferred location in the house] if can afford them, and put on some new sexy lingerie [or any other sexy stuff your partner likes]

The point is to make the occasion a special one, and you should indeed make it so

6 things a woman does only if she really likes you

How does a man know that a woman really likes him?

What are the things to watch out for?

When you notice her doing many of these six things listed below for you, you should know that she really does like you, for she would never do them for someone who does not really mean much to her.

  Here are the things a woman only does for a guy when she really really likes (Matchie)

She lets her jealousy show

Girls generally like to hide their jealousy because to do this, it means they are willing to let their vulnerability show, and they would never do that unless they really like you.

That’s the only time it’s ever worth it.

Dress up

This does not necessarily mean she wears her best dress every time just for you, it means she actually makes effort to impress you.

  When a girl tell you her deepest, dirtiest secrets, it can only mean one thing - she likes you (Shutterstock)

Reveals her deepest secrets

While girls might tell people some parts of themselves, they reserve their deepest, most intimate, even darkest and dirtiest secrets to someone they really trust, someone they truly like.

Admits her feelings for you

Women hate putting their feelings out there except they can no longer help it.

So if she’s spilling her heart out to you, believe her, she has to really mean it.

 When two people love each other equally, it is akways a beautiful thing (Pinterest)

Makes you food

Ok. This might be a bit general, but this article will not be so complete without adding this.

It might be because she is just nice, but of course, if she always invites you over to come enjoy homemade meals, just know there is a special feeling attached to it.

Allows you treat her badly

If she likes you, then she’ll let you get away with a lot more than you should.

Things that other men [and even her own friends] will never get away with, she'll permit them if it's you doing them.

This is not an excuse to intentionally maltreat women. But, if by chance, you are yet to really get your act right, and a woman repeatedly lets you go scot free, best believe she really likes you.

5 things a man does only if he really likes you

When a man really likes a woman, how does she know?

What are the things he does that almost always point to the fact that he is genuinely dedicated to her only?

Does he refuse to look or speak to other woman at all, or does he just follow her everywhere she goes?

This article explains five of the things a man does only if he sincerely, genuinely likes a woman.

  Remembering little details you drop during conversations will be no problem for him (Huffington Post)

Remembers details you tell him

Now this is not to say that when a man forgets details, he does not love you.

What this means is that due to the nature of males being less-organised and worse listeners than women, men most times forget stuff almost as soon as they are told, especially if those things are 'trivial'.

So, in the situation where a man remembers every thing... I mean, every single thing you tell him, then, almost certainly, that man does really like you.

  He never makes you question your importance to him (Internet Videos)

Never makes you doubt your importance

Let the obvious be stated once again: men are naturally inclined to be polygamous.

There is a tendency in every man to want to stray, to sample more than one fruit from the tree... and with the abundance if willing women, it is usually not a hard thing to accomplish.

When a man actively reins in this tendency, and goes extra mile to prove to you in words and deeds that he wants no one else but you, best believe him.

  If he is always there for you, he does really like you (Shutterstock)

Always there for you

Night and day, rain or sunshine, he is willing to do all he can whenever you ask.

That's a sign that he really, really likes you.

Speaks of a future with you in it

When he speaks of his plans for the next six months, he mentions you in it. His plans for the next two years, your name pops up.

Even when he's talking about his plans for the next five years, he somehow manages to fit you in it, what else does that tell you, apart from the fact that he genuinely likes you?

  If he speaks of a future with you in it, he likes you (Narodni)

Brags about you

In all likelihood, a very large percentage of persons aged 20 and above must have been in a relationship with at least two people.

So when a guy continually brags about you  to his friends, your friends, and anyone who cares to listen that you are the best thing to ever happen to him and that he does not think there is anyone in this life that he could ever love as much as he loves you, then you just have to know that that is a guy who likes you very much.

4 ways your bad experiences can help your new relationship

Due to certain reasons, many relationships do not get to last forever as the lovers dreamt they would.

While that might look and feel terrible at the time, it could be advantageous for subsequent love affairs.

Here are four ways your bad love experiences could make life easier for you in subsequent relationships.

You know when to leave a relationship Sometimes, people stay in a relationship even when it is obviously wrong to do so.

 Old retionships can teach you to know when to hold on and when it no longer makes sense to (Wordpress)

They stay long in the toxicity, hoping for a change that will not come until they get fed up and move on.

In subsequent relationships, due to the experience gained already, such people will recognise the moment a relationship becomes irredeemable, and move on at the very right time.

You learn how to argue without ending a relationship

If you have been in a relationship that ended due to yelling and fighting, and you recognize your role in that breakup, there is every chance that in a new affair, you’d have learnt the skill of expressing your unhappiness without tearing down your partner, and your relationship.

  You'll learn how to argue without having the fight end your relationship (On The Reel)

You know what you do not want

One of the best things to take out of a bad relationship is a better idea of things you cannot put up with in a relationship.

If you exit a bad relationship because of your partner’s continuous neglect of his responsibilities to you, surely, before entering into a new relationship, one of the things you will be sure to watch out for, is a man who takes his responsibilities serious.

It’s only natural to avoid the same bad things happening twice.

You learn you're still imperfect

When you look back on your old relationships and how they ended, one of the things you might recognise is that you were not entirely faultless for the way they ended.

  You'll learn of your own imperfection (YouTube)

And there, is one of the ways your new relationship gets to benefit from those past relationships.

Instead of relaxing, thinking you already know everything about how relationships go, you approach the relationship with a firm idea in your mind of that flaw and the realisation that it has the capability to ruin this present relationship like it did one or some of the previous ones.

The difference between then and now, however, is that you will not allow it ruin the beautiful thing you just found.

Will you?

5 ways to overcome shyness around women

It might appear that some guys just find it naturally, effortlessly easy to approach any woman of their choice.

For you, on the other hand, you get scared to approach any woman you find attractive, and no matter how easy it appears to just walk up to her, strike up a conversation and set the ball rolling,  you just never seem to know how to go about it.

Well, the five things listed below are just exactly the things you need to break free from shyness and get yourself the girl.

Focus on yourself and build confidence first

These things occur from inside out. When you build on your confidence and become surer of yourself and who you are and what you are capable of, you are about 55% above shyness and fear of approaching women.

Focus on yourself and build confidence first (Shutterstock)

Women think differently

Have you not seen instances where a woman ends up with a guy who you, as a guy, thought she couldn't ever end up with?

No matter how gorgeous and out-of-this-world she might look, she remains a woman, a human being like you.

Being scared that she won't be interested in you, and growing timid for this reason is a very wrong move.

You never can tell what she wants, or what she finds attractive. Who says you are not the ideal image of what she wants?

Develop a rapport with women you are not attracted to

Try to become friends with as many women as possible. By doing this, you could learn how to relate with women without the pressure of trying to impress  or appear cool.

When you successfully reach this level, you can be assured that somehow, you can hold a conversation with women without stress.

This will greatly simplify your task of talking to women in future situations.

  Develop a rapport with women you are not attracted to (Shutterstock)

Become boyfriend material

Now consider this: why are you shy? What exactly is the reason behind your fear and trepidation when it comes to approaching  women?

Could it be because you know that you are far from what that woman would want? Then work on yourself and become what a woman wants.

When you work on several aspects of yourself and get close to an image of what many women would want their ideal man to look like, a kind of boldness comes from this, and with boldness, your shyness melts away considerably.

  Realise that rejection is part of the game (Joy 105)

Rejection is part of the game

There are only two things that can happen when you ask a lady out. She either says yes or say no.

Ok. The manner of rejection could be embarrassing sometimes, but hey, it's just that - rejection, and it's totally acceptable.

When you get rejected, you move on and shoot your shot in another loop.

Winners do not quit, right?

Long relationships negatively affect women's sex-drive, research shows

Women who have been with a man for seven years or more see their sex drive reduce while the single ones in that same duration maintain the same level of libido.

According to a study involving about 2,173 women, which was jointly conducted by University of Turku and Abo Akademi University in Finland, sex drive of women somehow decrease over time when they are with the same partner.

  Women's Libido reduces with the longevity of their relationships (Alec Baldwin)

The study, published Psychology Medicine, tries to understand female sexual desire, satisfaction and frequency of orgasms over a period of seven years, and also tries to understand the role played by their relationship status in these things.

The most baffling outcome of this research is that long-term relationships tend to have a negative impact on the way women desire sex.

 Whether or not the sex drive reduces, your ability to achieve orgasm remains unaffected, the research says. (Pulse Ghana)

While the desire for sex reduces, the ability to achieve orgasm remains the same.

So, while it might be worrying that you will not be very eager to have sex regularly, you can be sure that whenever you feel up to it, you can still enjoy sexual activity to the fullest.

How to Know if Your Relationship will Lead to Marriage

I see people ask questions like, How do I know He will consider me for marriage? How do I know she’s going to stay with me forever? And if you’re asking the same question, I’ll say you need to learn … How to Know if Your Relationship will Lead to Marriage

Hey, you! I know you want to have a successful relationship and would even want a relationship that will go beyond the nuptials. And I am willing to help you – if you’re ready to help yourself.

Let me make you feel high for a moment, okay? Winks.

I know you’ve found your heartthrob. Your lover is someone you can be proud of even in your dreams. Whenever you’re with them, you wish you’re teleported to a new planet with impeccable atmosphere to house the two of you in the hope to bask in an endless joy…. Forever!
Obviously, the aura around your newly found love is beyond the scope of ecstasy. Then you look into the future and there lies the bliss that words can’t help describe.

Oolalacious.

You tell yourself, heaven has smiled on you, favoured you beyond the measure of your expectations. And it’s such an experience you can frolic about all day long.
Your lover on their own wouldn’t do less: each moment with them is a proof that true and undying love exists since your shadows can tell of the magnanimous rhythms surrounding the love affair.
A look into your lover’s eyes is all you need to confirm that the union has been perpetuated in commitment and ceaseless romantic streaks.
As if that’s not enough…
They keep on telling you that you’ve got no rival. You’re the best thing that ever happened to them. In response to the romantic gesture, you watch your heart beats to each syllable that finds its way out of their lips. What more could love give – you wouldn’t stop to wonder!
Isn’t it lovely to be in such a relationship? Isn’t it great to be in love with someone who would make you feel so special until the end of the world?
You know the answer!
Hey, sit up… Leave that moment for once and let’s do reality. Winks.

How to Know if Your Relationship will Lead to Marriage?

First of all, let’s Take about Love and Relationship

Let’s start with these Common Sense Tips for a Successful Relationship

1. Change is the first constant thing in a relationship

It’s good that you find someone whom you love and appears gorgeous to you…. But all you see in them today has limits; don’t be surprised that the reason why you want to die for your lover today might be the reason you don’t want to see him/her tomorrow.

2. No relationship can be run on autopilot

If you want your relationship to continue working, you must not stop working on it. The fact that your Lover has everything that answers to your financial, mental and moral needs is no guarantee that they will do well in a relationship. One thing is for them to have it all, and another thing is for them to want to use it all to the advantage of the relationship.

3. Don’t rely only on feelings

It’s defeating to see that people now enter a relationship on the premise of feelings. They just jump headlong because they think they share a romantic feeling with the opposite sex without knowing that feelings end in relationships!
Do want to read more Common Sense Tips for Successful Relationships? You’ll find a link at the end of this post.
If you agree with those common sense tips… Continue with me… If you don’t agree with them, just close this page and go sleep.

NOW GIVE ME YOUR EARS

Well, in my little years as a relationship counselor, I’ve seen more than my brain can carry as far as a relationship is concerned. To be factual, I am beginning to see the youths of these 21st century wallowing in unimaginable defeat in the bid to find love and sustain it.
People start relationships with feelings but end it with reasons.
You hear folks who say *Ehm… I had great feelings for him when we started* and another one would say *See… She was so loving, humble and respectful when we met*…
Few months down the line, their once upon a time romance turned sour, the feelings they once had nosedived and they discovered right there that they are heading nowhere again!
Now you begin to hear, “He’s not caring… She nags too much… He’s too proud…. He cheats on me… She takes me for granted…” Surprisingly, most of those reasons were not there when they started. They blindly followed a path that led nowhere!
It’s one of those bizarre experiences for those who have once been caught up in the scenario. Thinking about this menace, I wouldn’t help but sigh!

Let me ask you a question:

Do you think there’s really no more love in a relationship when people get tired of it?
If you say yes, you might be wrong!
For you to know, most people get to the point where it’ll appear that nothing new will ever come out of their relationship anymore. And it’s not just that these people don’t have a residual affection for their partners again…
They are just the victims of what I call…. The Mirage Tales in Romantic Relationships.
So, how do you know that your relationship is bound to last? How do you make your relationship lead to Marriage?
The answer is readily available if you’ll read on.

Let’s Consider this Quote:
A vision without a task is but a dream,
A task without a vision is drudgery,
A vision and a task is the hope of the world.
Dinah Craik.

Did that quote up there say something to you?

Wait! Go back to the quote and read it again, slowly. Read it twice or three times to let it sink, and we will continue.
My friend, have you once had one of those lovely dreams in which you wake up defeated and would almost fight the one that woke you up?
But no matter how the merriment feelings last in the dreamland, you just have to wake up and be back to your status quo the moment reality dawns on you. True or True?

Today, many relationships are perpetually in the dreamland. And some are not ready to wake up from their little slumbers.

See this: You just heard that a new phone came out last weekend and you went straight to a dealer to buy one for yourself. When you got home everyone was intrigued about the functions and even the look of your phone, so the atmosphere left you in an indescribable awe.
The truth is, the phone will undoubtedly be sold at a lower price than the purchase price, even if you’ve not used it at all.
That’s life for you, and that’s how many relationships are – they begin to lose value the moment they are started!
Now let’s go back to the quote.

A vision without a task is but a dream,
A task without a vision is drudgery,
A vision and a task is the hope of the world.
Dinah Craik.

1st phrase: A vision without a task is but a dream.

All that you discuss about the future is a vision that needs tasks to materialize. And without a mission, there’s no task to help the mission.
Let me simplify that:

Do You Plan the Future Together, Reasonably?

When you start a relationship, you often promise each other heaven and earth –  that’s Vision.
But do you know nothing will happen until you begin to do something about the spoken words?
Doing something about it is the mission, and what you are doing per time is a task.
If I say I promise to build a mansion for you in three years and I’m not doing any reasonable thing on a timely basis, the mansion won’t be built forever.

2nd Phrase: a task without a vision is drudgery.

It’s stupid to be doing stuff in your relationship and seeing that it’s leading nowhere close to Marriage. Whatever you do together in a relationship (that’s a task), without thinking about the future (vision) will lead you nowhere.

3rd Phrase: a vision and a task is the hope of the world

The hope that you and your partner will last is hidden in what you do together.
So, if you see that you and your partner are doing some reasonable things together towards being together in the future… There’s a chance they don’t want to lose you.
Do you understand now?
Well, that’s the end of part one.

NOW, PART TWO

Are You Proud of Your Role in the Relationship?
Can you remember the story of the blind man in the post about the factors to consider before starting a relationship?

We will go back to it…

You’re going on a journey with someone who you think knows the way but unfortunately doesn’t know much. And instead of solely relying on their knowledge, you go ahead to get some GPS navigation system to help.
Then each time the driver wants to go in the wrong direction, you make them know and they get on the right path. How do you think the driver will see you, compared to someone who wouldn’t mind to help?
They will surely love you and will regard you with feelings of respect and reverence.
So… If you’re in a Relationship and won’t do anything to help the relationship better, you’re an old chump! If your partner can’t look at you someday and be glad they met you as they state what they’ve gained since they met you, you’re beautifully stupid! Wait… I am not sorry for those words!

Have you once asked yourself why do you think someone will leave you for another person?

It’s simply because they found someone better! And if you can’t make yourself equal to the task, why shouldn’t they think of getting a substitute?
See, knowledge they say is power! The more you know the more you are respected and loved. You can’t just be in a relationship and all you do is to ask for stuff without giving something back to help your partner.
You wouldn’t read books that will help you grow mentally, morally, financially and spiritually; you won’t invest a dime to make yourself better and then you want a partner who would stay forever?
You have no covetable character and habit and you are as crude as you were when you started the relationship. You are so timid that the air can intimidate you.

You’re to be slapped!

To say it as it is, your relationship is going nowhere if you are not driving it where you want it to be in the nearest future.
Enough of trial and error relationships. Enough of decadent characters, defeating attitudes and demeaning habits – enough of shenanigans!

Ask Yourself This Question

If your partner comes now and says they want to call it quit, who would feel heartbroken the more?
If you feel you’ll be on the loser’s end, then it’s time to work. It’s time to start investing in yourself.
And if you are sure of yourself, your partner will think twice before they just come to tell you they are calling it quit!

Do People Love Your Person?

If people around you can’t testify that you’re lovely, caring, respectful, wonderful, adorable, then you can’t have a relationship that is going to lead to a Marriage. That’s simple because people’s say about you is enough to tell your future.

The Unexplainable Reasons

I believe you know by now that some things are beyond reasonable. You undoubtedly know that some relationships end up for reasons not known and you can beat your chest that you’ve done your best!
I understand that and that shouldn’t stop you from getting a better relationship.

In summary:

1. If your relationship will lead to Marriage, you will be the one to drive it along the desired path.

2. If you desire a blossoming relationship, you will work it out.

3. Feelings alone don’t keep a relationship; there should be set goals you need to achieve together.

4. If you and your partner are not planning towards the future in what you call a relationship, then don’t expect a thing called marriage to come out of it.

That’s all for today on…

How to Know if Your Relationshop will Lead to Marriage

16 Reasons Men Freak Out About Dating

"Sorry I'm late. I spent an hour trying to figure out if tucking my shirt in made me look nerdy, or mature and dependable."

1. Statistically, what's the best way to avoid crushing loneliness? Nothing gives you more anxiety than seeing data about how you're going to spend the rest of your life alone. Should you meet someone at a bar? What is the probability of finding the love of your life online? What if the love of your life lives in Japan? What if there's a language barrier between you and your soul mate, and you'll never be happy because you'll never find The One? These are all relevant, rational questions everyone thinks about.

2. How do I ask someone out without coming off like a creepy stalker or like I don't care at all? How do we even toe that line?Even after we find someone we're into, asking her out is a whole other question. Do we try to play it smooth and bold, and potentially scare her off too soon? Do we avoid saying anything for three years? Do we get her number and text her a bunch until she finally asks to hang out? The options are numerous and stress-inducing.

3. Does this look like I dressed up or like my mom dressed me up? "What does this shirt say about me as a person?" we ask ourselves longingly as we stare into the mirror. We have to have a rugged but boyish charm. We need to look good without looking like we tried to look good. Ultimately, we need to wear a dress shirt and jeans.

4. Is a condom in the wallet a good idea? We don't want to look cocky or presumptuous if she happens to see a condom sticking out of our wallet, but we also don't want to be without one, just in case.

5. How drunk is just drunk enough? Should we order a few beers? Can we get so drunk that this date is no longer awkward? Will she judge us if we pass out in the bathroom for half an hour?

6. Will we be able to talk about anything beyond our favorite colors and our jobs? It's not like we need to have a passionate and undying love for the same hockey team, but if we can't both sit at our table and make fun of what the other patrons are wearing, we're going to run out of "what do you do for a living" small talk rather quickly.

7. What if the restaurant is too expensive, like five-dollar-signs-on-Yelp expensive? Yeah, we made the recommendation and intend to pick up the check, but what if the restaurant is even more than we thought? What if she picks the most expensive thing on the menu? What if our card gets declined? If we sprint out of the restaurant, will she follow? If we can psychically orchestrate a dine-and-dash on the first date, we're probably soul mates.

8. How do I establish that I'm a badass with a heart of gold? In a perfect date situation, we get the opportunity to pull off some awesome date move that makes her fall in love instantly. Maybe we'll have the opportunity to clothesline a purse-snatcher as they run by or reenact that whole "Twist and Shout" scene fromFerris Bueller's Day Off.

9. What if you talk about your ex? What if I talk about my ex? What if an ex shows up to the date? The only thing worse than having nothing to talk about is hearing about an ex she's clearly not over, or we go on and on about our exes. What was supposed to be a date turns into a therapy session.

10. What if I spend the night alone at the restaurant petrified of making eye contact with anyone else because I get stood up? "Oh, me? No, I'm not waiting for anyone! I just got all dressed up and came to this place to play Flappy Bird on my phone while I sit at a table by myself."

11. Is there such a thing as too many bathroom breaks? What if we have to pee in the middle of dinner and leave you alone? What if we have to do that more than once? What's worse: leaving the table multiple times or peeing our pants?

12. What if my favorite joke doesn't get any laughs? There are few things as quiet as the silence that falls over two people after one of them tells a joke the other person doesn't find funny. It's the sound of a kitten gently walking on freshly fallen snow, crying silent tears.

13. Is she different than my first impression? What if that great first impression was a complete fluke? Maybe we were both really drunk, and bonding over the game of Survivor Flip Cup we won together isn't a solid foundation for a relationship.

14. What if she's not impressed with us? What have I even accomplished? Should I bring my old soccer trophies to show off casually? We don't want to disappoint. What is it you even like about us, and how do we play that up as much as possible and downplay literally everything else?

15. What if I completely forget how to kiss? I'm pretty sure most people just black out when going in for a kiss and go straight from leaning in to kissing because the whole idea of a first kiss is so awkward your brain shuts down as a defense mechanism.

16. What if there's a second date? There's a sense of relief when we have that moment where we get to leave an awkward date and walk out into the night. We know we'll never see each other again, and it feels kind of like getting off a roller coaster: It might have been touch and go there for a while, but we survived. Way scarier is the prospect that the date went well, which means a second date, which means we have to start this process all over again…

10 Things You Should Know Before Dating Someone in an Open Relationship

You better be comfortable following the rules if you want to play.

1. She's not going to jump into bed with you. I mean, she might, but it's not a given. Open is the status of her relationship, not her legs.

2. She's going to jump into bed with you. I know what I just wrote. But you should prepare your heart/vagina/penis/other body parts for the fact that she may be interested in a hookup — and only a hookup.

3. You have to follow her rules if you want to play. You have the option not to date her, but if you decide to go for it, be aware that there may be certain agreements she's made with her primary partner, i.e. how often she can see you, or how intense things can be sexually. It's pretty unlikely those will be adjustable. People in open relationships usually apply a lot of forethought to the architecture of those things.

4. She's not a "cheater." She didn't decide to enter an open relationship because she is fundamentally immoral, a moustache-twirling cartoon villain, or anyone else who is generally careless with the feelings of others. There are reasons monogamy doesn't work for her. Respect that.

5. If you have any questions about how this is going to work, just ask her. She's very, um, open. She knows exactly what she needs and she'll be more than happy to let you know.

6. She's opinionated, and don't mistake her for confused. She's not in an open relationship because she can't decide on one. She's in an open relationship because she's self-assured in her wants and needs, and knows how to execute them.

7. She likes sex. It might not be the sole reason she is conducting additional relationships outside of her primary one — but, yeah, she enjoys it. She enjoys it a lot.

8. You're going to have to work well with others. Depending on the degree to which things heat up, you may have to make decisions about your relationship with her that factor in other people — namely her partner, or others you're dating. If you're the kind of person who would rather write an essay than do the group project, this might not be for you.

9. She's emotionally mature. Don't play games. She's had to assess her perspective, wants, needs, and values, and negotiate those with the perspective, needs, wants, and values of at least one other person and likely even more. She's not going to sweat the small stuff — unless it's your brain.

10. You will never, ever be bored with her. Whether it's for a few minutes, a few hours or a few decades, this will be an experience you won't forget. So let go of your preconceptions and hold onto your hat, your heart, and the headboard.

15 Sneaky Signs a Marriage May End in Divorce

At least according to these (somewhat strange) statistics.

1. The bride had pre-wedding jitters. If the future Mrs. has cold feet, the couple's risk of divorce more than doubles, according to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology. The good news? A groom with "I do" doubts has almost no impact on the future of the marriage. 

2. The couple got married young — or after age 32. Sure, conventional wisdom holds that getting married too early isn't the best bet for a lasting union. "I often see couples in their 40s in counseling who got married too young and didn't have experience with other partners or want different things now," says Rachel Sussman, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert. "Because there's a very good chance that in 10 or 15 years, you're going to be a very different person — and you should be." 

But a new study says that after age 32, a couple's risk of divorce increases by 5% each year they wait to wed. Sussman attributes this to entrenched independence and a need for space. 

3. A family has two daughters. Sadly, it ups your chances to 43%. And even just having one daughter makes you 5% more likely to split, according to Columbia University economist Kristin Mammen. Parents with two sons, in contrast, face a nearly 37% risk.  "We think it happens because fathers get more invested in family life when they have boys," Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage, a History and director of research for the Council on Contemporary Families, told The Daily Beast.

4. Divorce runs in the family, so to speak. If your parents divorced, you're at least 40% more likely to do the same. But if they got remarried, you have a staggering 91% likelihood of getting divorced. 

5. A challenging child challenges a marriage. Parents who deal with a child's ADHD diagnosis are nearly 23% more likely to divorce before the child turns 8. 

6. Debt. Money woes are an obvious marital stressor. Not only do many divorce risk factors correlate to poverty, but marital happiness dramatically decreases as couples don't pay off their debts or take on new ones. And when one person is the big spender, according to one study, divorce can be 45% more likely. (Only extramarital affairs and substance abuse were stronger predictors!) 

"There can be a problem when one partner works or just has a significantly bigger salary, and the other spends an exorbitant amount of money. Fighting over the Amex bill every month is just a dumb fight to have. They've got to be on the same page, and I think setting a budget is key," explains Sussman.

7.  The groom frowned in his childhood snapshots. In two separate studies, psychologists evaluated peoples' childhood and yearbook photos and then evaluated their current marital health. Their findings? People who frown in photos are five times more likely to divorce than people who smile. (Yes, this one's especially, well, far-fetched.)

8. One partner smokes — but the other doesn't. When only one person in a relationship smokes, they're 75% to 91% more likely to split than smokers who are married to another smoker. Why? "Different values and lifestyles can be problematic," says Sussman.

9. The family's first child was born less than 8 months after the wedding. So, a shotgun ceremony is intuitively not the best way to start your union. But did you know it makes you 24% more likely to call it quits? 

10. The couple shacked up before marriage. Sure, cohabitation has been credited for decreasing the number of divorces overall. (One theory is that because couples who might otherwise divorce test the waters and fizzle beforehand, the couples who do marry are more committed.). But it's still not necessarily helpful once you do wed: Multiple studies say living together pre-nuptials gives couples about a 12% higher probability that their marriage will fail. 

11. One partner is a nurse. Yes, certain occupations have higher divorce rates — and not just police and military personnel. Dancers and choreographers have a 43% divorce rate, according to a 2009 study in the Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology. Bartenders split from a spouse 38% of the time, while nursing, psychiatric, and home health aides face an almost 29% divorce rate.

12. You live in Nevada. Or Maine. While much has been made of "red states" vs. "blue states" and marital trends, it's not so simple. Some states have younger ages of marriage, lower incomes, and other demographic factors that contribute to divorce risk. But Nevada residents can probably just thank Las Vegas for their 14.6% rate of divorced people. Maine is second with 14.2%; Oklahoma trails at 13.5%. New York, in contrast, may only have 8.8% divorced residents, but it also has one of the lowest number of married residents. To explain, some researchers say that you're more likely to get divorced in most "red states" — but only because you're also more likely to get married there.

13. The wife makes more money than the husband. Marriages where spouses earn roughly the same amount are more at prone to divorce than those where the wife earns less, according to a Swiss study of U.S. couples. And if the wife makes 60% or more of the family income, the risk of divorce is double that of couples where she doesn't work at all. 

14. Or she's older than him. Unfortunately, women who are one to three years older than their husbands are 53% more likely to end their marriage. According to the Australian paper, age disparities either way are associated with higher risk, especially if the man is younger. The study suggests it may be "due to differences in values
associated with birth control, or marital strain caused by power imbalances within the union."

15. Someone thinks they're always right. Think you're smarter than your spouse? By far, the biggest predictors of divorce are found in couples' attitudes to each other. Famed researcher John Gottman claims to be able to predict a couple's chances with 93% accuracy, based on four key traits which include being defensive and constant criticism. But he says the "kiss of death," is contempt and seeing your partner as beneath you. 

"It's constant anger and disgust, passive-aggressive digs, eye-rolling, and yelling at your partner," says Sussman. "When couples do that in a session, I say the research shows that if you keep doing that, there's a really good chance you're going to get divorced."

13 Sex Things Only Married Women Understand

He knows not to push your head down because he doesn't want to die.

1. You know that sometimes you have unexciting sex and that's OK because you have approximately 5 million more times to get it right. You know that sometimes sex isn't always a magical roller coaster ride of puppy dogs riding on unicorns and that's cool. You don't obsess over it because you know it's no biggie. Besides, you guys will just crush it next time because you're amazing like that. 

2. He knows not to push your head down because he does not want to die. That's just Married Science. He doesn't want his story to end up on an episode ofLaw & Order, so he knows not to be a pushy weirdo.

3. He actually wants you to come first. This should be nos. 1–50, for real. Its importance cannot be overstated. 

4. He'll never make you feel weird about not being ready to try anal. Which in turn makes you feel a lot more chill about trying anal with him. The world works in mysterious ways. 

5. He treats your smaller boob with respect. Just because she's tiny doesn't mean she is without needs! He knows you have nerve endings in both your breasts and uses his mouth accordingly.

6. You've come to mutual agreements about which positions are just too hard. I'm looking at you, 69. Now that you're married, you can drop the facade that it's super fun and sexy to twist yourself into an actual pretzel just to put a dick in your mouth. 

7. You know that married people have more sex than most people think. Because you're living proof that your vagina doesn't cover itself in cobwebs the second you say "I do." 

8. Your sex life is a varied and splendid thing. Sometimes you're too tired for sex, but also sometimes you have sex THREE TIMES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON. In your face, comedians who built their entire tired stand-up sets based on the fallacy that married women hate doing it!

9. He's super chill about period sex. Because he's an adult human being who understands that you're an adult human being with bodily functions. 

10. You know you don't have to swing from a trapeze to get him off. And he doesn't have to spell out the Hungarian alphabet on your clitoris to drive you crazy. Yeah, the tricks are great sometimes, but often just having sex with someone you love is the very best.

11. You know how to deal with his balls. You've mastered the art of handling his nuts. You know each one is like a little baby miracle that responds to stimulation in its own way. You are the Master of the Balls. (Well, at least you are the master of his balls. If you get divorced and have to start over, lord help you.)

12. It's not a total nonstop sexual smorgasbord.  Just because you live with someone and sleep in the same bed every night doesn't mean you're both always in the mood to get busy. Just like in most relationships (unless you're the two horniest people alive and then: Mazel!), sex isn't always on the table. (Sometimes it's on the floor! Bada bing! Don't forget to tip your waitress!)

13. You try stuff that's out of your comfort range but usually come back to the old standards. You're adventurous because it's fun (and also you kinda have to be so you don't die) but usually end up doing the ol' one-two (you know, whatever that means for you guys) because you both love it and that's what sex is about, right? 

11 Things Every Woman Thinks on Tinder Dates

If this sucks, I'm leaving in an hour.

1. If this sucks, I'm leaving in an hour. Maybe I should set an alarm and label it, "Are you having fun, Lane? Really? Be honest."

2. Even if this is horrible, at least I can tell all my friends while they give me pitying looks. And then they'll say things like, "Ugh, I do not miss being single," and I'll be like, "I know!" and then we'll all get drunk. Not bad. 

3. What if this is seriously The One and then one day, we're like "And we met on Tinder. I know, lame, right?" But then what we really do is look at each other adoringly because awwww, modern love.

4. He looks exactly like/nothing like his photos. This is such a relief/gigantic disappointment for which I wish I could sue him.

5. Is he a murderer or am I just finally meeting a good one? He's wearing a dope suit with a cool tie, is actually employed by a place that doesn't sound made up, and he's reasonably funny. He's either killed people or he's my soul mate. No other options exist.

6. Yep, that explains why this guy is on Tinder. Vaguely sexist views on women and the belief that all his exes are "crazy"? Should've swiped left, dickmunch. 

7. If we hadn't met on Tinder, I wonder if we would've ever met any other way. Like maybe at the supermarket if I literally ever stopped staring at cookies and imagining how great it would be to eat them.

8. I'm so glad I messaged him even though he was making pseudo-duckface in one of his photos. I might actually want to, dare I say it, see him again. Holy shit, it's happening. The Tinder second date. Alert the media, as I thought this was a myth.

9. If we went back to my place, I wonder how soon I could get him to go down on me. I don't know, sometimes you just have a craving for it like pizza or reruns of Family Matters.

10. How do I communicate to him that I just want his penis inside me for tonight and to never see him again ever? Or the other side of that coin...

11. How do I tell him that I'm not hoping we bang in the alley behind this bar and then never speak again? Because um, yeah. Not my #goals.

Lane Moore has gone on so many Tinder dates like this that she started a live comedy show called Tinder LIVE!

How Can You Tell if a Guy Is Ready to Settle Down?

Here's how you know if a dude is ready for a real-deal relationship or still playing the field.

When is a man ready to settle down? The answer is not always as obvious as we might like. In a culture as visual as ours, we demand the most conspicuous of tells. If a guy is covered in maritime tats and wears Warby Parker specs, he's probably open-minded and down with composting.

If you spot truck nuts dangling from his jacked-up Ford F-350 Super Duty, he may feel that "the old ways are the best ways." Sadly, unless a dude picks you up in a minivan that's not his mom's, the clues about his readiness for long-term commitment won't be as blaring as his Coexist bumper sticker.

As a married guy, I can tell you that I felt ready at the exact moment my now-wife told me that she wouldn't be dating me for a fifth year. #Romantic! What can I say? I'm a recovered louse who wised up to a good thing. But I often hear about my sister's — and my wife's girlfriends' — dating debacles. And based on these tales, I understand that the struggle to find a quality guy who wants something serious is real — scary real.

There is a popular theme that seems to run through many of their stories. The dudes they link up with are either "not looking for a relationship right now" or "trying to get my life together" or "just not in that place right now where blah bity blah, blah…" Or whatever handy victim-of-circumstance lines men use to avoid emotional intimacy.

Perhaps you've dated these kinds of guys. From what I've observed (and overheard from people on dates at restaurants), any baggage you might hold from wasting time on "commitment cowards" surfaces in those tense moments when two newly dating people gauge their respective levels of emotional availability. When a lady drops those very honest "Are we on the same page?" questions on a dude — "Do you want kids?" "Why didn't your last relationship work out?" — it's clear she doesn't want to waste a minute more on a guy who can't lock it down. I've noticed these questions tend to put guys on the defensive. But why? I mean, beyond the obvious answer: Men are emotional larvae.

Women are, of course, entitled to honest answers to these queries, but because many men boast sensitivity levels that would make a toddler take pause, may I suggest asking a different set of questions entirely. For instance, instead of asking if he wants to get married, ask if he has been going to a lot of weddings lately. A guy whose friends are settling down around him will have lots of wedding invites. Which ones won't? The dudes whose friends are all single and think happiness is being facedown in a cabana at a Vegas pool party. Or try this alternate line of questioning: Are people in his family hitched and happy? It's possible your guy could be an outlier, but if his relationship role models are parents whose marriage ended badly, it stands to reason that he may be unsure about taking the leap himself.

But from observing the relationship patterns of my guy friends and coworkers, I've developed a wholly unscientific theory that I think blows all other theories out of the water: If you really want to know if a man is ready for a committed relationship, ask him how his career is going. Sounds weird, I know. But as far as I can tell, there seems to be a strong correlation between a man's readiness to settle down and where he is on Career-Goal Mountain. Traditionally, society has expected men to be providers. And until we are able to reasonably provide for more than just ourselves, many men feel inadequate. And it's this feeling of inadequacy that informs a lot of guys' dating behavior. For instance, I know plenty of young, ambitious guys: writers, entertainers, bankers, developers, doctors. Once they enjoy a little career success — a promotion, some actual stability, or a big break — their world is bright and they become open to all kinds of possibilities, including settling down. That's when they get engaged to the girl they're dating. The rest, who haven't caught the brass ring or aren't excited about where their careers are going, often forestall marriage endlessly in interminable relationships, Tinder hookups, or porn searches. In short, if he's not feeling satisfied with his level of success or his place in the world, he's not going to be ready to settle down with you … or with anyone for that matter.

There are caveats of course. If a dude just isn't ready for commitment, there's a chance that once he gets a whiff of success, he'll redeem all his miles for a one-way ticket to Doucheville. Likewise, I've seen situations where a guy is in a comfortable relationship for years, and once he experiences a career surge, he up and decides he wants a fresh start with someone new — through no fault of his girlfriend. But unscientific as it is (I'm not an expert, but I was on MTV's Guy Code!), I'm confident that most men have a relationship sweet spot, and it has a lot to do with meeting the internal goals they've set for their career and finances. If you meet a guy during that time in his life and you want long-term love, the odds are in your favor. And if your man isn't ready to commit, please don't think that you're at fault. He may love you, but if you're not someone he sees as a part of his future, you need to make him a part of your past.

GUYS ON COMMITMENT

"I want to have a dependable full-time income and most likely own a home somewhere. For me, that comes before marriage."—Barry*, therapist, 28

"What did my parents' relationship teach me about marriage? Don't do it. Or at least make sure your relationship is really strong before locking it down. Because unwinding it is ugly."—Josh, sound engineer, 35

"A lot of people my age are starting to get engaged and married. It's not something I'd want to rush into. Personally, I'm not emotionally mature enough right now. Even if I were dating someone who I thought was the one, I'd wait until I was a little older."